Sherry Chandler

Giant crabs envy our American way of life.

Terry Jones:

Dear arms industry,

Congratulations! At this time of economic crisis, when everyone is tightening their belts and reducing expenditure because of the monetary meltdown, you’re the one industry that’s still expanding.

According to a report by the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, worldwide military expenditure has increased by 45% over the past decade.

In 2008 the Russians gave you a cool $59bn, the British $65bn, the French $66bn, China $85bn and the good ole United States a whacking $607bn.

I mean who would have thought that making, selling and servicing machines that kill people would be the best paid job on the planet?

How on earth do you do it?

I’d really like to know, because I’ve just invented this machine for creating a force-field around a house, capable of withstanding attacks by 16ft-high crabs, using only strawberry yoghurt and camomile soap. It doesn’t work, of course, but then nor does military expenditure.

Read it all.