Sherry Chandler » Decoration Day
Decoration Day
When I called my mother last night, she told me that the three little sisters had been to see her. These are her sisters children, her three nieces, all middle-aged women now with grown children of their own, but to my 90-year-old mother, they are still the little sisters.
The sisters had returned to the home town on this lovely May weekend to “visit the graves.” In the South, we call this spring memorial to the dead “Decoration Day,” and we use it to remember not just our war dead, but all of our dead kin. To be remembered is as near as we can get to immortality in this world.
For a description of how this holiday is observed, here is an excerpt of Georgia Green Stamper’s essay, “Decoration Day:”
There was a time, not so long ago, when Memorial Day was more than an excuse for a Bacchanal picnic marking the beginning of summer. Before the mall and its three-day sale, before everybody had a public or private swimming pool to open, before the holiday always fell on the last Monday of May — my family celebrated something we called Decoration Day.
This was an accurate description of the way my rural Kentucky family observed the May holiday because we did, indeed, decorate. Iris and peonies grew abundantly in our yard, and our ancestral clan was — or had been — large. We would rise early, my grandfather and I, to clip bushels of the dew-touched flowers, and before the day was over, we would complete our annual transformation of the New Columbus cemetery into a glorious garden such as Monet, himself, might have painted. In fact, had Monet been related to us, we would have decorated his final resting place too, because we didn’t want any of our dead kin to feel left out. Even now, I am compelled to place a plastic flower on the grave of every relative who ever sat around a Christmas table with us, and in more forgiving years, even on the graves of some who didn’t.
…
In my memory, these May Sundays were always perfect, warm, spring days; it never rained, the wind never blew, and we never got hungry or thirsty
…
Walking through the cemetery with Gran was both a history lesson for me, and a crash course in his philosophy of life. I knew from his stories who he respected, and why; those he disapproved of; and those he loved in spite of their shortcomings. He told me about old jokes and pranks played a half century earlier. He told me of parties and childhood crushes. He taught me the names of the old families, the pioneers. He taught me about a place, about a culture. He taught me who I was, and who he hoped I might become.
You can read this and many other essays in Georgia’s Book You Can Go Anywhere (Wind Publications, 2008).
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8 Comments
1. strolldownmemorylane replies at 25th May 2008, 5:09 pm :
Thank you Sherry for reminding me of my mother’s beautiful piece
I think it is such an important thing to remember and respect those that came before us and yet I admit I often forget on a daily basis…I had forgotten about this piece though, until I saw your post– Of course the roles were reversed- My mother and father were playing the role of Gran, and I was my mother…I wish I could be with my mom and family today on “decoration day” She’s making the annual pilgrimage today with her 101 year old uncle. As a child I used to be so envious of the other kids swimming and going to parties/bbq’s on Memorial Day weekend. I couldn’t understand why we had to drag around a cemetary and several at that waaay out in the country :). But now I do, and I don’t regret any of those journeys not for a moment. Yes it was sad :(, but by the end of the day we usually were laughing, eating, and hugging- :)….
2. Max replies at 25th May 2008, 7:47 pm :
I appreciate Georgia Stampers Decoration Day Article. I remember decoration day as a small boy, Dad Dad and Granny cutting the roses in the morning, putting them in tin cans and small jars wrapped with tin foil, and setting out in the pickup truck going to the grave yard to place the flowers on passed love ones.
The last several years I would make a trip each year to take Aunt Marietta to the grave yards on decoration day, good way to meet past acquaintances. We’d go to Pleasant Ridge, the Owenton, over to New Columbus, Verona, New Liberty and about any other grave yard we could see from the road. After that we’d stop by all the old folks and visit them. Each year the same old stories were told about the past departed, this was very enjoyable to her, and to me.
Though they are all gone now, I can clearly remember Dad Dad’s stories he told in the stripping room each year, this was such good entertainment for such a monotonous job.
3. Jessica Thompson replies at 26th May 2008, 12:16 am :
Sherry, this is a lovely piece. I loved your three little sisters story. I’ll have to purchase Georgia Green Stamper’s book. Thanks for posting the excerpt from her essay.
4. Jack replies at 26th May 2008, 2:37 am :
Fantastic reminder of the more important things in life.
5. koshembos replies at 26th May 2008, 3:09 am :
The most beautiful and touching idea I heard in a while. Memorial day straight and simple. Not a day passes without remembering gone parents and friends, but a day on which you and the spouse can join disjoint memories of loses enriches us.
6. sherry replies at 26th May 2008, 8:00 am :
strolldownmemorylane, I have to tell you that your mother laughs at the handles that turn up here and asks how I can answer such folk with a straight face. Obviously she and I are from a simpler time. But what I really want to say about Georgia is that, in addition to being a skilled craftswoman, she is one who remembers the stories (much more gently than I do) and is working hard to preserve them. We must honor her for that.
On the other hand, I like your take on these cemetary days. Thanks for sharing. I think I was a little bit more like you.
7. sherry replies at 27th May 2008, 8:08 am :
Max, I used to go with Mom on Decoration but she isn’t able to do it anymore so I don’t go alone. I am, shamefully perhaps, only too happy to have some down time at home with the living. I know Pleasant Ridge and Owenton, but one of these days, I’d like you to take me a tour of those other cemetaries.
8. sherry replies at 27th May 2008, 8:11 am :
Thanks Jessica and Jack and Koshembos — Georgia has this talent for bringing people together around the essentials. And, democrat that I am, I have a great deal of faith in the people if we can see past the noise machine and know one another directly.
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